On Being Angsty and Apathetic

During school the past week, I have felt kind of like I wasn't myself. Everyone gets those feelings as if they just aren't in their body or maybe they aren't al quite there. That was me this week. I was feeling lethargic and certainly did the minimal amount of school work so I could proceed to do nothing afterwards. In my earbuds was the album I'm Wide Awake It's Morning by Bright Eyes, rightly so. Conor Oberst's voice is just wavering and melancholy enough to fit this mood. There are a couple of places in some of the songs such as "Road to Joy" where I actually fear that Conor will burst into sobs during the next line of lyrics (an irrational fear...). It's so emotional and screams to be heard and helped like an at-risk teen. The intro for the first track "At the Bottom of Everything" is so dark and despondent that it immediately sets the tone for the rest of the album (despite the happy sound of the rest of the track. It's like a black comedy, but in music.) Questioning my own life and the current path I am on, this album embodies my emotions. In "Land Locked Blues" and "Lua", the minimalist instrument choice is analogous to my own desire to just live. As this album needs just lyrics and a lightly strummed guitar (the rest is just to spice things up), I presently need just to breathe, do my routine, and sleep (eating happens occasionally as well). Only Conor's music can really understand how I feel, and as I listen to the album, it seems to counsel me. A good portion of the album sounds like a ballad from the depressed teen at open mic night at the local coffeeshop (with much better songwriting and guitar playing obviously) It understands me, and I understand it. Feeling out of yourself or despondent calls for music resembling such, and this album fits the bill. The album does have a more optimistic sound in "First Day of My Life" and "Another Travelin' Song", which had the ability to lift me out of the slump I was in. I don't want the continuation of these feelings, so Conor notes this and allows some light to shine through the seemingly melancholy album. The light acts as a catalyst to bring about a better mood, hope for a better life. This is not  an album for Friday night out with the boys, but I definitely has its place in everyone's life. While I didn't want my current emotions to remain as they were, this album is so beautiful that I almost can't wait to feel apathetic again, just so I can listen to this album in its fullest.



So full of emotion, I think "Road to Joy" encapsulates this album.